Tax Day

Should be exciting. It is not.

I should be happy to be in a democracy where we joyously contribute to building a society that promotes equality for all. However, that is not the case! It is far too complicated, and I wish to float a canoe down a river that never ends. What a ridiculous dreamer I am. Instead of feeling accomplished today, I feel a lot of anxiety and fear. I am simply not good at keeping order of things. Maybe you can identify. I sat and tried to figure it all out by myself as a self-employed artist. As you can tell, I failed. In fact the whole thing has me shaking like a nervous wreck. I have so many creative endeavors going on right now that bring me joy, but I am unable to face sorting through the financials of it all. I do okay, but my record keeping is abysmal. I somehow feel like I shouldn’t have to owe any taxes. That is not what Turbo Tax is telling me, but of course I didn’t get all the deductions right. I make a living as a troubadour. I also seem to just spend everything getting to and from the places I go. I have a magical life. I am so very lucky. I am also completely at a loss for how to file my taxes. I just cannot seem to do it. I am financially declined. I am completely frustrated. After procrastinating, I now have to punt down the road and try again after I return from this journey to Paris and back. So damn lucky. I get to go to Paris and walk the streets of my vagabond days, which I am apparently stuck in for eternity, for I cannot deal with the paperwork and such of paying taxes. It brings up the same anxiety I get when I have to do simple house repairs. Yeah, I am one of those guys. Mechanically and financially declined. I wish you and your families well today. I am not well. I will now walk and probably work on poetry or songs and writing, which is something I am very capable of. I am not proud. I am just trying to be realistic about what I am and am not capable of. I have family members who are very organized and very capable in this department. I am not like them. I need help. I have asked for it, which does make me feel better. Okay. Deep breath. Poetry.

My brother warned me

not to go through life

mechanically declined.

Too late.

What he really said was

“don’t be like Dad

and know nothing about cars.”

I could start learning,

but as the song says

I'm sentimental, so I walk in the rain
I've got some habits, even I can't explain
Go to the corner, I end up in Spain
Why try to change me now?

Our Dad was very sharp

with the numbers.

A major part of his life’s work

was keeping track of the numbers.

I did not inherit that skill.

I get nervous when my daughter

asks me to help her with her math homework,

but I can write you a poem in a heartbeat.

I just did.

Is there a tax deduction for that?

Even the word “deduction” makes me shiver.

I thank my lucky stars to be able to wander this world

and be creative. It pays the bills,

but it doesn’t pay the government.

Maybe I need a better government.

Ah…who am I kidding?

The government has nothing to do with it.

They are corrupt, and so am I.

They are just better at it.

I am not anti-government,

I am not anti-American.

I am anti-growing up.