A Difficult Time
My oldest brother, Robert P. Easton, has passed away after what appeared to be a very short battle with cancer, but like a lot of things in life, was complicated, not short at all, and certainly not easy. He is survived by his partner Mary, and their two children, my nephew(Michael) and niece (Sarah), one grandchild (Oliver), four brothers and two sisters. He is preceded in death by his third son Timothy. I am wrapped up in a pretty good fog of grief right now, and thankful for my family and friends who have provided support at this time.
After our parents had passed, Bob was the true elder of my family. He lived in North County, San Diego, raised three children there, His family was nearby at the end. In the days leading up to his passing, there was a good deal of pain and anger and stress and all the things we all experience in the realm of powerlessness during the loss of a loved one who seriously impacted our lives.
In the few days after the serious prognosis that snapped my family into attention, we were all stunned. Suddenly the news went from we have a month to we have hours. After my brother passed, there was in fact a slight feeling of relief. It was very short lived. On the same evening the news came of the harsh reality that another soul who influenced my life had also passed: Todd Snider. My brother and Todd died within a few hours of each other. Todd’s death was not announced to the world until the next day, but friends who were on the inside of the circle wrote to me, and it was/is all too much. I was unable to focus, and I kept missing turns on the way home. I was in a fog of disbelief.
My brother was a great teacher to me. He taught me more than a few guitar licks and tricks and passing chords that I still play every show. He taught me about the blues. After I received some decent marks in school for a haiku I had written when I was very young, he reminded me that if I wrote poetry and played guitar that I could be a songwriter. I remember the exact spot in our parents old house in Akron, Ohio where he said that. I also remember that I wrote my first song later that same day.
Throughout all of this grief I have had friends and family to talk to, and that is immeasurable. Without a doubt, both my brother and Todd had similarities in their lives and they both influenced me in many ways. My brother pointed out the history of music to me, and he made sure that I was schooled in the ways of the old cats. Todd and I were the same age—I found this out the day he died. In fact, I am a few months older than him, and I honestly feel like I have so much left to learn and to give in this wild world, so his loss and my brother’s passing just feels so wrong today. He really packed in an amazing amount of work. The loss of my brother was also earlier than ever anticipated, and I hope it continues to remind me to be present amongst the living teachers we all have, everywhere around us.
We are all going through something. Some type of luxury or loss. If we only could truly listen to Warren Zevon and actually enjoy every sandwich. I will say that the older you get in this world, it does get easier to have real gratitude for everyday things. Everything starts to feel like a miracle. I wish both my brother and Todd would have poured less poison into their blood streams through the years, but who am I to judge? Anything could happen to any of us at any moment. It really is later than you think, and it’s good to enjoy yourself while you’re still in the pink, but it’s also important to honor your loved ones and be present for them when they need it.
I feel really bad for not participating in a brothers only fishing trip that happened a few years ago. I had work to do and I simply wasn’t able to make it. Deep sea fishing is another thing that my brother Bob taught me a lot about.
I am about to go off and do some work overseas right now, and I will do my best to carry the legacy of my brother—which is easy for me to do since he really taught me so many guitar moves that I use every day on the road, and then the story telling legacy of Todd Snider, who was simply one of the best at delivering the goods on the troubadour’s path.
I published an essay called HOW TODD SNIDER SAVED MY LIFE a few months ago and it was written with love and compassion and awareness for the different paths and choices we all take. May you find peace of mind on your path, whatever it may be.
I am going to stay in this sadness for as long as I need to. I do not wish to change the way I feel, but just be around others who understand. It is not always easy, especially while traveling. I will continue to talk about Bob and Todd, in Spanish, to audiences over this next week. I will participate in memorial services when I return, or when the time is right. For now, we have the healing power of music. I am also extremely lucky to have an amazing family that brings comfort in times of need. Take care of yourselves out there, and thanks for taking care of each other and saying the things that need to be said.
